There is a grief, a deep mourning that chokes the life out of us. The heaviness of this sorrow demands our full attention. It consumes our present and we do not imagine a future. We do not hope for better, we do not dream forward. The music as we knew it has stopped. Life’s dance has come to a standstill. Sadness is on constant replay and we see no reason to try a different and happier tune.

We pretend. We disconnect. We do not know how to get back our smile…our easy laugh. They have been intercepted by a life event that has terrorized our emotional and mental well-being and challenged all the goodness that we have ever believed in. There are accidents, sickness, death, divorce or at times a discovery or confession by a loved one that numbs the senses and tries to redefine our understanding of life in general.

We mourn the event. We mourn ourselves…our loss, our emptiness. We mourn not having the person…the situation. We mourn our now…what to do or where to go from this cold dark place. We reimagine the possibilities that the future could have held and ever so sorrowfully try to still tell ourselves it did not happen that way. We scream life is not fair.

Grief is wrapped around us, tight fitting, snug, seemingly unyielding. Yet, with time, barely noticeable there are places that begin to relinquish the tight fit. Body cries out. Soul cries out. Spirit is not ready to be quenched forever. Amid tears, disappointment and unhappiness is a silent battle fueled by faith and an unspoken and at times an unrealized willingness to continue life’s journey nevertheless.

Ever so slowly, the grip loosens and we begin life’s dance once again. We take slow, cautious, measured steps. Yes, there are times when we are still inconsolable, when we are still unreachable. There are still days when we ask why and are angry when silence answers. There are still nights that are too empty and too long. Yes, nights in which we watch and wait for dawn but once again we choose to live. We choose to try. We choose to embrace the unknown tomorrow once again.

Florence Nelson